Monday, 31 May 2010

The House
There is cous-cous on the bathroom floor, wheetabix stuck into the kitchen walls, crayon on the bedroom wall, the fridge is crying out to be purged of out of date food, the garbage needs taken out, laundry needs done, pots and pans need washed and I still haven't unpacked boxes after moving in nearly a month ago. I also have bills that need my attention and forms that need filled in.

The Pregnancy
My ribs are killing me, I feel like I can't take a decent deep breath and every time I get into bed I can hardly catch my breath. My pelvis is sore and for two days now I've had braxton hicks, which makes me feel like I'm continually doing crunches. This morning I did my weekly protein check on my pee and it showed up high, which meant a trip to the hospital to check my preeclampsia hadn't returned. False alarm - all is well, though I can't help but admit that I'm a little disappointed I'm not sure I can take another 5 weeks of this baby getting bigger and bigger! I'm so so so unbelievably tired.

The Toddler

I've pretty much lost the ability to chase her around the park now, so she is cooped up a lot more. I'm trying to get her used to feeding herself with a spoon (to make mealtimes a little easier on me), which isn't going well, hence the wheetabix on the walls.
She's started taking major tantrums with me when I'm changing her diaper/nappy, kicking me in the belly repeatedly, it usually results in us hugging each other, both in tears and exhausted from all the exertion.

UPDATE: it's now 4am and molly has been awake for hours, just kicking her crib and making noise. when i go into her she smiles and giggles, there is nothing wrong with her. i'm so flipping tired and pissed off! feck feck feck, i took myself to bed early tonight/last night and ordered myself i would wake up in a good mood in the morning and be a good mum. now all i can think is how fecking pissed of i'm gonna be in a few hours when she's up for the day.

That's all really. Just cream crackerd. Thanks for letting me crumble. And here is a video of the little lady at a Bollywood Baby Rave this week, put on by Belfast's Children's Festival.


Manda said...

Alli- I am just catching up on all that's been happening in your life over these past months. I am just so upset and heartbroken for you. Please know that you and your dear children are in my prayers. I am so thankful that you are near family and friends back home who can support you during this time. Much love and big hugs! Manda

Eva Marie said...

my house is a disaster - having a 4 month old is my excuse but not sure how long I can make it an excuse ..
you look radiant in your picture regardless of how tired you say you are .. i know the last 5 weeks were HARD HARD HARD for me and I am so thankful she came 2 weeks early on her own..

Tansy said...

Alli, I can totally understand how you feel - the overwhelming-ness of it all. Where you said that you wanted to wake up less tired and be a good mum - I so relate, but just that fact that you think that means you are. And you know it's ok to leave the house for the day, find something entertaining for her and relaxing for you and just chill. I used to just drive, go on a long trip for the day, stop when I felt like it and sing along with the music along the way, it does wonders for the soul. The best thing is, your house won't get any messier while you are out, and bubs is safely contained with no chasing around (and possibly even napping at times!)
You may be wondering how you'll manage looking after two, and if you can really love another child the way you love your first, but you just do. My boys are 18 months apart and the first 6 months were a blur. You have a difficult road ahead, but wow look at the destination! All the best! Tansy xx

Austin said...

Sympathies.. My wife is due in 4 weeks.. I know how wrecked you must be.
We were also at the babyrave. Twas great craic :D

Linda M. Damon said...

I hope you are feeling better today. Don't worry about the housework; believe me, it will be there for you when you feel like doing it; unless you know of a fairy that you can call on. When my girls were so close together I thought I would never see the light of day; but it does get better; because it can't get any worse, lol. We women take to children, like ducks to water. One day at a time and know that the beautiful little girl looking up at you loves you un-conditionally and "Mr. Bump" will too, exactly the same. Chin up girl. Soon Mr. Bump will be in his cradle and Molly can help you look after her baby brother. The Neck Road will keep in touch.

Momma Sunshine said...

Try to hang in there. Days like these will get better, I promise.

alli magee said...

thanks for the comments.
manda, thanks, being away from family and friends wasn't even an option when it came to the crunch. my dad and stepmum have been on holiday this last week and I can't believe how much i've missed having them to depend on, they are my go to people!

Eva Marie, molly came 5 weeks early so this last stretch is a whole new domain to me!

austin, the baby rave was brilliant, i wish it was more regular, although it'd need to be cheaper!

linda, glad u found your way over to the blog and got caught up! i'm sure neck rd is looking beautiful these days, can't really think about it too much, too sore.

tansy i took your advice and spent as much time as possible out of the house today, very refreshing, planing the same thing again tomorrow!

Cibele said...

Hi. I came here from Ms Single mama’s blog. I am a newly single mama with a gorgeous little girl like yours. I am trying to find a new norm after my heart was broken in one million tiny little places. My ex husband walked away a few days shy of our 8th anniversary and left me to pick up the pieces by myself. I could not believe it, I did not see it coming. I loved being married, loved my husband, our little family and I could not imagine a life without him. But time has been good to me, healed some of the wounds, made me stronger and thought me lessons. I found a new norm and I am finally getting comfortable with my new life. You and your girl are absolutely gorgeous. Time will help, I guarantee that. HUGS. I wish none of us had to go though that. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy

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