Friday, 14 May 2010

finding comfort from others on my path.

Since everything changed I've had a hard time relating with the usual blogs I used to frequent. Many of them were about family and motherhood, but in the more conventional "nuclear" sense. Now the sight of a glowing 2.4 family just makes me want to hurl. Some of the worst ones are the pictures you see in pregnancy magazines of the guy kissing the mother-to-be's growing belly, BLURGHHHHH. I recently passed on my favourite Nikki Mclure print to a friend who wont have to feel sad every time she sees this image.

What used to be comforting, inspiring and aspirational now intimidates and tortures me. On a few occasions I've recalled to memory an old momversation episode that featured a single mama blogger. A few nights ago i trawled through the backlog of episodes and found her. Since, i've been spending a lot of time over at ms.single mama and felt so much relief from hearing her perspective on parenting, family, love and life. So many times i've found myself nodding away as I read.

Alaina featured me and my story just yesterday and since then I've been receiving so many affirming comments from women in a similar position. At first it felt strange to have the harsh reality of my situation out there, I'd been wavering back and forth as to how much I might
share online. But the sharing has brought me comfort and encouragement from those finding their own way along the path of single motherhood.

So a big thank you to those of you who have reached out and gave me a "virtual hug". It makes it all feel a little less overwhelming.

Me and the mollster are getting settled into our own little apartment and I'm trying to find my feet with parenting solo style. It can feel very lonely knowing there is no one coming home to me at the end of the day to talk to and to help out with the mollyness. It's exhausting* and I spend most of my day feeling lousy at being a mum. I'm due mr bump on July 6th and he seems to be sucking out all my energy and making me feel totally immobile.
Molly got a nasty tummy bug the other day and, in between cleaning up the endless poop and vomit, we spent the whole day snuggling, me stroking her hair and her nuzzling into me as much as possible. She's also started to lean in and give me kisses. These things keep me going.
* I must mention, that I do get a lot of help from my family, it would do them a great discredit not to mention that. But I am trying my best to take on the main load, it's important for me that I am molly's primary carer and that she knows that.


Tansy said...

Hi Alli,
that is an awesome photo of you and your gorgeous little girl, love the boots you are wearing, one stylish mama!
Glad you've taken comfort from the comments, was hoping you would feel supported without being made to feel intruded on in some way.
Sending you love from Perth, Western Australia, Tansy x

Anonymous said...

Hi Alli & Co.
Alaina and her community was great for me too. I was surfing allways in the waters of crafty, cooky, cool mothers with sort of perfects families and I was in a crisis that made all that pretty things so sad! That is when in those long nights alone I found lots of people who struggles and surf the wave in the middle of the storm.
All of us in different parts of the world, other cultures, same problems.
Seeing you in that sweet picture, so pretty with your family and your belly shows me hope, you are going to be fine!!
And keep on doing your creative design, everything so sweet!!! Big hugs, Andrea.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I've been following your blog for a little while and am closer to where you are geographically now than you were! Just down the road in fact. Having recently become a mummy to a little girl too I just wanted to tell you that I admire you lots, its not easy whatever your situation, but I hope you know you're doing a great job, little Molly is lucky to have you as her Mummy. I hope you continue to find strength and enjoy bringing your little boy into the world! Thinking of you and your lovely Molly lots.
L xo

Lara said...

I'm so glad our reaching out resulted in comfort for you! I'm writing something and plan to link your blog. I hope that is ok. Please feel free to get in touch if it isn't. Thinking of you often since I read your story and hoping for many more good days than bad.

Thea said...

My goodness, what a story. You seem to have handled this with such strength and grace - your adorable Molly and Mr. Bump are so lucky to have you as a Mum! I'm sending you virtual hugs :)

alli magee said...

thank you guys, it's great to know that someone is listening and it really is amazing to hear your stories. I've had trouble finding my identity as a 'single mum' especially with it being totally out of my choice. you are all helping me see that it isn't a stigma to be afraid of , but rather i'm party of a whole new supportive community.

and to the anonymous "L", if you ever see me please come introduce yourself! :o)

Lara, fire right ahead with the blog.

Smiling, Beguiling said...

Hi Alli, found you via Alaina over at Ms. Single Mama... just wanted to stop by and say HEY and give ya BIG HUGS and make sure you know that there are a lot of us out here, single mamas, watching out for each other and supporting each other. Looking forward to getting to know you here. Cheers, Cheryl ~

Momma Sunshine said...

I'm a single mom, too...found you through Alaina. I know that this all feels really frightening and overwhelming right now...and that's okay. It's supposed to feel like that. We're talking about major life changes here. So many of us have been there.

The important thing is to remind yourself, daily, that you are stronger than you feel right now. Some day, I PROMISE YOU, you will look back at this time and know that fact with absolute certainty.


Knitting Nix said...

Hi, I found your blog through Ms. Single Mama, which I found after doing a search on "could men be empathetic" after a recent blow up between my husband and I as he does not have a wave of empathy within him. Anyway, after finding your blog I just want to say, that your blog is inspiring - you are doing a great job, hang in there, your daughter is beautiful and I wish you much happiness in the future.

Kathy said...

Hi Alli, So terribly sorry to have my worst fears confirmed. The mind boggles at how he could do this to you. There are no words, well not any good ones, anyways for that type of treatment, esp. for someone who professed to be a fellow believer.
(((Hugs)))) to you and your little ones. Kathy

Anonymous said...

Oh my I would give you a hug! I am a recent single mother of a 1 year old and at times it is all I can do not to just sit on the couch, shower her with kisses, and never emerge. You are such a strong woman. I would LOVE to penpal with you if you want to! A little card in the mail always makes me smile! You are in my prayers! Hang tight!

Anonymous said...

simply gorgeous ... from one ginger to another!! (also came by way of Alaina, and so glad I did) Happy to meet you and the wee ones!

Bryn said...

Just popping in to add my virutal hug to the group!

I've been doing the single-mom/trying-to-make-a new-life-after complete-devastation thing for about 7 months now, and have found so much comfort in the blogs of other single moms! There are so many of us out there!

I really enjoy your pictures, you're stunning! Love the most recent pic of you rocking those awesome boots!

Know that you've got a whole world of glorious mamas cheering for you and hoping for nothing but the best for you and your little ones!

Megan said...

HI Alli, I also found your blog through Alaina,
I was a single mom for years, but when it happened, unlike your situation, it did not come as much of a surprise. I will keep you in my prayers as you find your way. Just know that your are the very best thing for your kiddos, and even though you don't want to dump anything on them, your kiddos will be the very best thing for you. Sadly, 18 years later, my daughter's milestones are still a bit bittersweet because her biological father takes no interest in them, but her adoptive dad does!
You'll be okay. One day you will wake up and the heartbreak won't hurt so much, and it'll get better little by little, every day after that. You'll have setbacks, sure, but it does get better. Blessings to you, as you find your new life!

Maria said...

I, too, found you through Alaina. I'm actually just about to move to the city where you used to live in Canada, and I've been there from time to time with my daughter. I've been a single mom since before I even knew she was in my belly. I just want you to know that you are handling everything with such grace and strength. You are stunning and doing amazing. Stay strong, remember to breathe.

Wise person once said that when you are walking through hell just keep on walking. You are walking tall, and it's inspiring.

cassee01 said...

your guy must be crazy because you are one hot mama pregnant even! Love that last pic in this post - you should be a model!!!