Wednesday, 9 June 2010

The postman came bearing gifts

I'd like to boast about these two lovely surprise treats I received in the post lately. I never ever get personal mail so it's been v.special. First came the beautiful watercolour from the unbelievably talented Tina Newlove. I met Tina briefly when she was touring with Tribe of One and loved watching her paint whilst Mr Rik Leaf resounded some poetry and song.

It is so beautiful and came with a lovely note saying:
I hope you enjoy this little watercolour. She's a bit sad but so pretty. And I'm sure things will be looking up for her soon.
This was so sweet and gives me a big smile every time I see my sad little clown.

Then, came my pretty New Leaf Necklace from Alaina. I've worn it every day since I got it and it's a constant reminder of the other mums out there standing with me and trying to figure out parenting solo style. Rising up under the day to day pressures and not being shot down by the stigma.

On that note, I would love to ask a question to those who've already seen the new SATC movie. There is a scene with Miranda and Charlotte talking about how hard motherhood is. At the end of the scene one shouts out something like "and I do this with a husband and full time help, how do women do it without those safety nets?" the other says "I have no f***ing idea". End Scene.

I wanna know how did this dialogue make you feel? A friend today was telling me how much it annoyed her to see them complaining despite all the support they had. And it angered her to think of how I would feel listening to the two spoilt ladies rant and rage.

On the other hand, I actually felt quite affirmed by that scene in the movie. I almost forgot all my repressed, white, irishness and yelled out an "AMEN" right there in the cinema. Parenting is really hard work, no matter what way you do it, but I am glad that they tipped there hat to those who do it alone.


Eva Marie said...

I think parenting is hard - period! I only have a 5 month old and my goodness for the first 6 weeks were the hardest 6 weeks of my life.. nobody prepared me for what was to come and I dont think anybody could have..
as I watched that scene though I can't tell you the amount of times since the birth of my daughter I say god bless the women who do it all by themselves.. my mom raised us as a single mom and i always knew it was tough but until I had my own daughter I had no idea..I was shouting Amen right with ya girl

Ms. Single Mama said...

Agreed. I love that they finally acknowledged us... but I don't resent married moms in real life who bitch about parenting. It's all relative.

We all have our challenges.

You know?

Motherhood is hard - universally. Single motherhood is doubly as hard but one of the crosses we bear is being a in the unique position that very few people understand what it is really like, but that does not give us the right to judge other married moms or harbor resentment for them.

Hope I am making sense. So late at night here. Glad you got the necklace!

Momma Sunshine said...

The thing about parenting is that it's hard, period. Single parenthood has it's own set of challenges, but also it's own set of rewards. It's just different, not better or worse, in my opinion. :)

Anonymous said...

I have always been a single mum so i dont know the difference between parenting 'solo' or being in a two parent family. Its hard, but all parenting is hard, to be honest I think its the approach you take. Its just one of those things you need to get on with, kids need to be raised in safe, secure, loving homes, whether or not there is an absent parent. I actually think i would find it more difficult with another person parenting with me, i have a great routine, my house runs like clockwork (most of the time, kids are kids and nothing is ever routine all the time!) and we are happy and love good old fashioned fun. I also have to mention a good friend here, he is a single father, he has a 6 year old daughter and recently found out he is also the father to a little boy who is 17 months old and is in care. He is in the process of getting full custody of the little boy as the mother was unable to care for the children. I think the issue of stigma and single mums is declining, but the issue of stigma and single dads is ridiculous. He works full time, provides for his kids, pays rent, bills and childcare and into the bargin is the most loving, caring and compassionate father i know. As a single mum, I take my hat of to him. Im a full time uni student, and volunteer youth worker, and a mum, and i love every second of it, even the challenges, i had my kids, that was my choice, and im gonna do my best by them, no matter what!

QuirkyGirl said...

It didn't bother me to hear mothers complaining about the stress of being a mom whether they have a partner or not. The only thing that gets my goat is when you have a woman who's husband is away a lot due to his job and she says: "Now I understand how you feel! I do everything by myself!!"

This sets my teeth on edge. She doesn't have to work and if she does she still has a second income! At some point her husband IS gonna come home and then she has someone to look at and say "What are WE gonna do about the fact Belle is 3 and refuses to be potty trained?" or "Do you know what YOUR daughter did at school today?"

I have a great support system and I often look at my bestie during school awards programs and say 'Look at our girl' cause she's been the one I cry to about these things.

So in short (too late!)give us credit or don't give us a nod just don't say you get it when you have no freaking clue what it is.

Lara said...

I have the same necklace. I love it. It inspires me. In solidarity, right? Glad you were able to get some gifts that made you smile!

Cibele said...

I said AMEN too... I loved this scene. I felt proud that I can do without help. Parenting is hard regardless, with or without help!

Bryn said...

Yay for mail! I love it too, especially when it's unexpected!

I've parented both ways, and they both have their own set of challenges. It *is* easier having someone to share the burden (IF the other is caring their share!) but there are crap bits as well that I don't have to deal with now that I'm doing it alone. That line from the movie didn't bother me at all. ♥ I love SATC!!♥

Have a great weekend!

Disaster Dater said...

i found your blog via ms single mama and while i was hoping to email you privately, this will have to do. i am also 26, was also married for 7 years and my marriage ended in my 5th week of pregnancy. the situation is different in the fact that when i became a mother i was immediately a single mom- i don't know what parenting with a partner is like. truth be told i am relieved to be raising my son without my husband- i think he would've done much more harm than good. all that to say, i just want to encourage you! i hope you have a wonderful birth experience. there is so much strength and character to be gained by going through labor without the person who got you there. hugs to you!

grlprpl19 said...

re SATC scene, i think women's work is greatly unappreciated, as well as under acknowledged. being a parent is hard, but being a mother is particularly challenging because, let's face it, it's all on us. so no, that scene didn't bother me. it's good to hear mothers allowing themselves to feel, whatever those feelings may be. charlotte's desperation and shame was actually quite beautiful, in a way. and yes, at least they gave us single parents props.

is it too late to give you a virtual hug? my friend sent me a link to Pistols and Popcorn, which then lead me to Ms. Single Mama, which then lead me to you and your blog. so i've been glued to this comp for the past several hours.

i too am pregnant and am a single mother. i'm due this friday actually! my excitement and impatience grows, despite the imminence of my son's (i'm having a boy too) arrival. i've been reluctant to share, or even to think, about what this all means and feels. luckily i've been extremely happy and anxious to be with my baby, and that has been a good distraction. on the one hand i find it hard to relate or even look at books/movies/pictures/blogs/play groups comprising of the nuclear family. on the other hand, i can't handle reading the stories of other single mothers, as it reminds me and forces me to think of my own story. for whatever reason, your story was a comfort to me. it just felt real. it felt like breathing to me because, although our stories are very different, you spoke with truth and fear and bravery and reluctance and that spoke to me.

so thank you. and here's a ::hug:: from me and my bump. i hope this inspires me to open up a little more. i feel so alone sometimes because i don't know anyone else currently i my position. i always wanted to be careful what you wish for. i have a blog but so far it's just 2 entries b/c i can't seem to write. for once i am speechless. haha except for now. sorry to ramble. please take care. xo, tiffany