He's gone. He choose to go. This time not just leaving wife and child, but leaving us all. I keep typing his name into google expecting to see something new from him, a tweet? a pin? anything please, I'll take it...just not this silence. Looking at old emails, I cannot believe that there will be no more, nor any chance to reply?! How is this the very end.
Trawling through the old photos I have not dared to revisit during the last three years, I can't help but see the shocking similarities between father and son. I wish they could have met. We have all lost so much in this horrific reality.
My days are not hopeless, my daily life is oddly unchanged. But my heart is heavy and when I wake every morning and remember, I am so very sad. Though I know death is not final, it feels so sudden to know we are no longer on the planet together.
I have been writing, trying to somehow draw out straight lines from the tangled, complicated knot in my stomach. Whenever I find some sense I will post it here.