Wednesday, 10 March 2010

stop all the clocks...

the last photo from the deck. it all has been packed up, dismantled, poured out and swept up. goodbye stars, moon and sun. farewell ocean and wood.

goodbye bethel, the name we gave our home for the last 3 years.

i am sad to see you go, but i'm also relieved. you brought me molly, you brought me my son on the way. but you also brought me a great deal of heartache and isolation.
here is to happier times ahead, even though they seem very far off.
(23 weeks pregnant)

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
W.H. Auden - Funeral Blues


Anonymous said...

Rise up Phoenix, rise up.


wsxwhx714 said...
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Kay said...

I have to say, even though you loved him at one time, your ex is a fool. To let a growing family and an inspirational woman such as yourself get away he must be. So even though it won't feel like it now, you and your children are better off without such a weak willed man in your lives. You are enough.

Mnemosyne said...

You are amazing, I just stopped by to tell you so from Ms. Single Mama's blog. I'm a single mother and have been for almost 4 years now. My ex left me for another woman shortly after my daughter was born, so I can understand a lot of what you are going through now. It was horrible, traumatic and at times I didn't think I would make it through. I just wanted to send you a hug and let you know that I think you are incredible and I wish you all the luck. Your children are so lucky to have you!

supergirl said...

I also read about you on Ms. Single Mama's blog. I am wishing you great strength and love for yourself and hope. You have beautiful children and are a beautiful, talented woman and as, Kay wrote, you are enough.

Lara said...

Same here - heard about you from Ms Single Mama! You, your blog, and your daughter are all lovely. I have no advice (mostly because I've found unsolicited advice rather obnoxious)other than believe in yourself. Trust that somehow, somewhere you will find the strength to build a life much richer than the one you just left. And time - well, time helps. So does wine. And chocolate...much love and peace from Chicago, IL!

Erin said...

I read your story on Ms Single Mama, and I have to say... our stories are remarkably similar. My ex left me for another woman and began a new life, while I was 8 mos pregnant with twins and had a 15 month old toddler. My grandmother came to America from Ireland and had a large family, and we are still in contact with our family there. I moved back home after he told me I must leave, and have settled in now two years later. I pray that you find many blessings at home, raising your children. I, too thought it was a life sentence, but you'll see sunlight gradually shine ever increasingly on your spirit and then on your life. I will put you in my prayers during this adjustment phase. <3

Hillary-Renee said...

I read about your post on Ms. Single mama as well. There is faith, love, and hope in the world. At times when its hardest to find, its even harder to believe that it is there. Find strength and comfort in the familiar. Find peace in your children, and love in the few things that you know - you are amazing and no man can define that in any of us!



Tansy said...

As did i... Ms single mama lead me to you with that one photo, and the sense of unfairness of it all. When did you get the choice, should you so choose, to step away and walk another path?? While not exactly the same, the crippling hurt of despair, abandonment and fear is how I felt too.

But can I say as well, this is now your time to shine, your time to build a family the way only you wish, and while yes, there are hard times and you just have to grit your teeth and continue, it will be ok. I have now created the family for my two boys that I wanted to, and we have new family traditions that I can see they love and will continue with their families. Rise above it and embrace it, when you can of course, and you will find happiness again, I promise!

alli magee said...

thank you so much for your comments and for telling your stories. I really meant it when I say that it helps me to hear them.

Erin, 8 months pregnant with twins! It just makes me shake my head in disgust at the men that do this. I am so sorry and am so glad and reassured to hear that you are finding your feet again.


Erin said...

Ali - me, too! I just know you'll be in the same boat when time puts some space between the sharpness of the sword that is afflicting you. May the road rise to meet you... in your new journey of strength. ;)