Tuesday, 16 February 2010

you left me in the dark


not sure what to say except that everything hurts. nothing is the same. everything is broken.

how will i ever be able to look at a photo of the last 7 years without feeling utterly devastated, heartbroken, abandoned, unloved, neglected, rejected, confused, angry...so very deeply sad.

love hurts. I shant brave that again.

I want to fall apart, I want to lose my mind, I want to fade off. But I have my girl, my molly. And I will somehow stay together for her. she deserves this devastation and rejection even less than I. how my heart aches for her.


17 comments:

Mark Fowler said...

you're in our thoughts and prayers, and you will be missed...

heather Kerr said...

love you chum xxx

Veronika said...

I am just a follower of your blog - because it is so sweet and pretty. And now... What just happened? I have guesses - and now I struggle. I am sorry to hear you so broken. You are so beautiful.
Veronika

kathy waters said...

Dear Alli, You are most certainly not alone. You do not know me, but I have been praying for you for a long time. My prayers will be intensifying for you, Molly, and your growing little one.

kaz said...

Hey Alli, I follow your blog as I love your style and admire your honest posts. You will get through this...I say this as someone who cares and as someone coming through a dark, painful time of their own. It will get better even though it may not seem like that now. You will start having better days, then good days and at some point they will start to outweigh the bad. And what a blessing you have in lovely, little Molly. In her you will find your strength.xx

TL said...

I enjoy your blog for the fashion, your wonderful handiwork, and the fact that you seem like such a sweet person. I am so, so sorry to hear that you are suffering so much. I can only tell you that you will be happy again someday, and that I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a while and am shocked by the news that seems to be suggested by this post.

You are in my thoughts.

alli magee said...

thank you all for your kind comments. i read and re-read them on the long days.

anina thomas said...

hey beautiful,
praying God turns the light back on...
your zilla,
anina x

ingrid said...

The newt and I are thinking of you and sending lots of love.

jul said...

Hi Alli, so so sorry to hear things have gone all wrong. I know we only met once but it was obvious to me that you are so beautiful and sweet and wonderful. You don't deserve to have your heart broken, I'm so sad. Praying for you to know the Father's love somehow, to be able to rest your tired head on his strong shoulder and maybe you can find some comfort. Lots and lots of love!

christine said...

i came over from ms single mama's blog and just wanted to say something. my husband (we'd been together 7 years, too) met another woman at a conference in september 2008, when i was nearly 7 months pregnant with our second daughter. he didn't want me or our marriage anymore, and i was forced to move into my mother's house.

at the time, i felt as though i was the only woman in the world who had ever gone through such heartache. i was and am still so angry, lonely, lost, confused, and hurt. i desperately wanted to keep my family together. i wanted something better than this for my children. to be honest, i still struggle with the pain and betrayal. i'm still angry, a year and a half after the initial blow. but it brought me comfort and small hope to see that i was not and am not alone in my circumstances.

i don't know how any man can leave his wife and the children he chose. i don't understand the selfishness and cruelty that chases individual pleasure above all else. but i know that i can survive, and so can you. much love to you and your babies.

Jamie Council said...

I discovered your blog through MS. Single Mamma, which has been a great comfort to me over this past year. Your story sounds strikinly familular to my own, except my daughter was a year old and my son was two. Know that there will come a time when you will not have to remind yourself to smile. I have been blogging about my journey in refinding myself after my husband left. Feel free to take a look if it might help. I'll light a candle for you and your babies.

cassee01 said...

it is so amazing how many men stray during pregnancy - my ex had a 2 year affair that started not too long after I was pregnant with our 1st and I didn't find out about until the birth of our 2nd who is 17 months older than her sister and I remember how devastating that was not to mention how your heart breaks for you children - only time will heal the pain but you and your daughters will be happy again

alli magee said...

thank you guys so much for your comments, you have no idea how much it helps.

jamie, you forgot to mention your blog address??

:o)

Anonymous said...

Another single mama here. I am a US citizen but was pregnant and in a foreign country when my husband left me. The best thing I did for myself and my beautiful baby was to return to my country where I have friends and family. Here, I have been able to identify from the start of my baby's life (and as I start a new life, in a new city with a new job)as a successful single mother. Unfortunately, you are not alone. Don't feel weak and accept all of the help you are given- you deserve it.

Cibele said...

I read this post and I cried for you. It sounds so familiar. I felt and still feel at times the same way. How dare they? How dare they to walk away and break our hearts like that??? I am so sorry