Saturday, 23 October 2010

Overwhelmed.

Folks, I am....trying to find a dramatic enough word to describe how tired I am. How busy. How overwhelmed. I'm moving at the end of the month. there is packing to be done, moving, painting. Molly has chosen to become inexplicably clingy to me and it makes parenting doubly exhausting. And Finch? well he's just the boy who doesn't like to be set down. Ever. He'll be four months soon and I still haven't got a full nights sleep. I know that's to be expected but it doesn't make me any less sleepy.

What's the worst, is that I've become one of those people who always talks about how busy they are, how tired, how they never have time for themselves. I've always hated people like me. Oops.

And when I do get a window to sit and breathe, I find myself just looking at the clock, counting down to when I have to return to my reality. I am a single mother of two children under two. I'm so tired that I feel pissed at everybody, I'm slowly developing a crater on my shoulder because It feels like everyone has it easier than me. Deep down, I know that if we were to truly see everybody's lot in life we'd pick our own every time. But what I know and how I feel are very different.

Rant Over.

8 comments:

Linda M. Damon said...

LOh, I know exactly how you feel; it has been a few years though. Sometimes "motherhood" doesn't seem to be all that everyone says it is, it truly is a very very hard job; I think that is why God gave it to the women of the world and left the 9 to 5 to the men. Sometime when you are sitting there looking at the clock, waiting for your "me time" to end, I want you to think ahead about 15 years, when Molly will be getting ready for college and Finch will be just getting ready to finish high school. You will wish that Molly was hanging off your leg and Finch was in his snuggly wrapped in your arms. Instead they will be saying "see you at Christmas, see you on summer break" You will have all the time in the world, and I guarantee when you are sitting there looking out the window, you will wish that Molly was waltzing through with her wellies and handbag and Finch was wanting his supper. As far as the packing goes, throw it in a box; get to it when you can. You have much more important things to do. I can almost tell you this for sure, if it doesn't get done today it will be there tomorrow. Enjoy your new home; and if you have to live out of boxes for a while, so be it. I think I still have a couple of boxes in our attic, and we have lived here for 35 years; and they aren't bothering anybody.

Anonymous said...

It gets easier. Just take it as it comes. Finch will sleep soon enough, Molly is just getting it tough as a result of becoming a big sister and not really understanding why he has to be constantly held/changed/fed. She will relax once she knows that mom is there for her too. Make the packing a game, get Molly to help, put Finch in a sling and you will have it done in no time. You have a good lot in life, and soon you will be able to see that too. You have two beautiful children, a new home and a wealth of support.

Eva Marie said...

I only have one and at time have felt completely overwhelmed - I think as a mother this word is suppose to be part of our vocabulary.
you are doing amazing and when you look back at that picture of the three of you, you will smile and remember those times.

Amy said...

Ah, honey, my heart goes out to you. My ex walked out on us when I was 6 weeks pregnant with our second and still nursing our 6 month old. I had two kids under two, then two kids under three, etc. Now my kids are ages 4 and 3 and I promise you it gets better. I also did a few international moves due to my job whilst raising them and it can make you feel crazy at times. I spent so much time feeling like I couldn't enjoy motherhood as I'd always dreamed because I was too busy just trying to care for them and pay the bills and grieve my divorce and recover post partum and move all at the same time. It is A LOT to handle but I promise it does get easier and it is worth it in the end. You will have someone to hold you soon enough. I hated being single, too and missed my ex like CRAZY after he left, even though I knew he was a loser for walking out on us. But I did it, and you are doing it too. Day by day. xoxo

Crystal Calliope said...

I'm sorry for your frustration. I had two under two and it was touch and go for a while there. If it's anything I've learned it's that motherhood is hard and isolating and we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Also, it gets better. LOTS better.

Anonymous said...

Ali, you are just great - I so admire the way you are keeping on keeping on. Things will get better - and you will get a full and peaceful night's sleep again!
Praying for you
From an old mum to a young one x

Anonymous said...

Do you have babysitters, friends, parents etc that can give a bit of time off? Take all reasonable offers of help - its not for you its for the kids.

Mothering is hard work. Single mothering in particular. It will make you a strong and capable person.

Yo don't need to do it perfectly, your kids love you anyway.

cassee01 said...

I remember when my daughters were 2 and 1 and I was in college and working full time. It was crazy and I look back now and wonder how I did it and like you said it is a needs must - you have no choice, it has to be done and there is no one else. It's all worth it though. Those girls are 11 and 9 now and I sit and look at pics of them then and wish it all back again!