mother lovin'....

I am 30 weeks today, the ten week countdown has begun and to be honest I feel totally and completely overwhelmed! I have just finished reading this wonderful post from FreckleWonder and, as is often the case these days, I have a pile of tear stained kleenex next to me.  I just can't quite believe I am going to have a child! I frequently find myself silently shaking my head in disbelief. Overwhelmed - because I can't afford to do a lazy half assed job at this mothering thing, because it is scary for me to think how much I will love this new addition to my family, because I feel exhausted at the thought of how exhausted I am going to be, because I can't believe I have been given such a gift, in spite of all my panicking, I have a deep conviction that this is ridiculously perfect timing and exactly what I needed.  phew, that is a lot of 'whelming'!

I am feeling increasingly tired these days, my back ACHES if I stand too long. I feel like I'm 80 years  old the way I move about. My ankles and wrists have started to really swell and get uncomfortable. I frequently wake up with heartburn, something I had never ever had till now.  And If I hear one more person tell me that they just 'loved being pregnant' and they 'never felt so sexy' I may just strangle them. It isn't that I hate being pregnant, at all, but I certainly don't find it a glowing, ethereal, sensual pleasure. Last week Shane had to console me many times after he'd find me teary in a changing room exclaiming "I can't believe I look like this! who is this person!!". See I have always been such a skinny little runt. It's alarming to suddenly feel.....chunky. 

I know that pregnancy can be a billion times worse than this, so I AM thankful that everything is entirely normal and healthy. None-the-less my ever increasing aches remind me that I really need to get my ass in gear and get everything ready for la bebe! Tonight I am going to write myself a biiiiiig long list of things I MUST do in the next few weeks. 

I'm spending way too much time online pouring over anything relevant to my current disposition. Enough time researching Alli, lets start doing! 

I've become obsessed with finding stylish, kitchy, retrolovin' young mums online. And am frequently glued to the never ending nursery inspiration found at ohdeedoh 

Anyway, some doing to be done....

p.s. check out how many deer we had in our front yard yesterday!! :

as promised, my thrifty finds

I haven't yet had full success with thrift store shopping here in New Brunswick. I do love Value Village but find it pretty expensive (for thrift). And then there is Frenchy's which I have talked about before. One of my gripes with Frenchy's is that it doesn't have much, if any, vintage items. A lot of people love it for that very reason, they like that their isn't a whole lot of items your granny wore 'back in the day' and appreciate a recognizable high quality label. (I was recently told that I haven't actually been to a 'real Frenchys' and have been promised a little shopping spree to one of the best in Oromocto, about an hour north of me. )

 

I frequent some lovely thrifting blogs from the likes of Missa at ThriftCandy and Rhiannon at Liebemarlene Vintage and also lust after the uber cute wardrobe remixes of SunshineUpton (someone who I would love to have a nice cup of tea with). I would love to say that they inspire me, however I usually end up frustrated that I can't find the same vintage delights here.  

UNTIL

We took a trip down to Maine This week and I popped into a few thrift stores. Albeit most of thrifty purchases wont be worn till I lose my baby bump, but I was fully satisfied with a shmorgesboard of floral, lacy, loveliness:

this photo doesn't really do them justice. The lilac dress is gonna look so cute with some burgundy tights and the shoes sitting beneath it. I plan on teaming the tunic up with some skinny jeans (alas! If I ever fit them again!) and a chunky brown belt. 

I'm mostly excited about wearing this skirt up high as a top/dress.  Though I think it could work as a skirt too.

This skirt will look with great with some rosy pink cheeks and I just couldn't resist the 60's dress. All I need is a lemon yellow cardi, a beehive and a cute baby under my arm!

Last but not least, I love this 70's blanket, perfect for throwing over my knee when watching a movie.   What I love most is that nearly all these items cost a $1 each! 

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately" - Henry David Thoreau.

The idea of living deliberately seems to enter my thoughts and conversations a lot these days.  In fact, me and Shane pretty much spent our afternoon talking about it. Here are a few on going's in list form, because I feel like I should be doing something else with my time (though I haven't decided what yet):

* We both got work permits! at long last, shane is working for the John Howard Society and I am supposedly knitting away to make some extra cash. 

* I have way too many baby type appointments these days, I feel like a human pin cushion. aargh. 

* Shane's shifts are all at crazy times so we are missing out on a social life. I have social options but I always feel more like myself when he is around

* We take our 'weekend' in the middle of the week now (due to crazy shifts) so this 'weekend' we went south to Maine and did some shopping ! yum, my thrifty finds will be featured in my next post. 

* I cannot believe I have another 11 weeks of growing! I feel huge and I really wish my butt wasn't protruding as much as my stomach is ! how did this happen!

* "you are the best decision I ever made" - a lovely thing shane said to me tonight  :o))))))

bitten lip...

I have before me little things

These little things, they fill my day

But sometimes they fall short

They fail to satisfy or sustain

Tonight I lay them before me

And I pray that they are enough

For I fear I may be foolish

And forget that I am an island. 

"Yes, Clarissa thinks, It's time for the day to be over. We throw our parties; we abandon our families to live alone in Canada; we struggle to write books that do not change the world, despite our gifts and our unstinting efforts, our most extravagant hopes. We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - It's as simple and ordinary as that. A few jump out of windows, or drown themselves, or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us, the vast majority, are slowly devoured by some disease or, if we're very fortunate, by time itself. There's just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against all odds and expectations to burst open and give us everything we've ever imagined, though everyone but children (and perhaps even they) knows these hours will inevitably be followed by others, far darker and more difficult.  Still, we cherish the city, the morning; we hope, more than anything, for more. "

The Hours by Michael Cunningham

Book launch

Just a quickie to say I am super duper excited to have a few of my photos featured in this upcoming publication available to pre-order from amazon.

back and better

Well, that was quite a break I took. I have been a busy little knitter getting some bags ready for fall and hopefully a good stock for y'all to buy as christmas pressies, nudge nudge. I am coming up on being 6 full months pregnant and feeling pretty enormous these days. 

I must confess I read Tricia Royal's latest blog over at bits and bobbins and shudde

red at what lies ahead of me. I can see that she has gained far more than what she is giving up. But for now, considering what I will 'gain' is currently just a mysterious bump for me, I'm feeling a little freaked about the unknown path that lies ahead. Excited, but nervous. 

Though I am definitely feeling more disciplined about getting stuff done before January 2nd comes along! (the predicted date of smudge's arrival). I recently moved all my 'steen ink stuff' out of the soon to be nursery, and took over an area in our living room for 'studio space'. It can look a little cluttered but having all my wo

ol, buttons, needles etc. staring at me keeps me on my toesies. 

We recently had the lovely Peter and Heather Kerr  stay with us for three weeks. The Kerr's are two thirds of the creative genius that is atto.  We had much fun talking, laughing, arguing, sipping whiskey n' vino tinto (as i watched), camping, swimming, cooking, watching scary movies and there was indeed much 'making' being done. Me and heather made some plushies, as seen above, and I had the great privilege of teaching Peter how to knit. No matter how much he may deny it later, he was very eager to learn at the time :o).

We ganged together with two other friends and celebrate the cinematic wonder that is 'the Big Lebowski'. We all dressed up as our favorite characters in the movie, went bowling (of course!) and returned to our abode to drink white russians and watch the movie. 

Upon their leaving I got to thank Heather for making me my super lovely blog/store banner by giving her a custom designed bag with a big lightning bolt on it. 

Doesn't she look happy. 

I'm gonna be a mum!!

Yes! It is true! I am knocked up, up the duff, expecting, with child, there is a bun in my oven.

Our embryonic parasite has thus been named 'Smudge'.

It is hard to know where to begin. An important factoid for you to know is that until we realized my 'knocked up' state, we believed we were unable to have children naturally.

We had become pretty content and even happy about that. I have never considered myself a particularly maternal person and I don't really find myself going 'gooey' over the site of babies (although this has already begun to change!). I have surprised myself, and surprised Shane, at how quickly I have adjusted to the idea of being a Mum. We find ourselves talking a lot about what kind of parents we want to be. What we want to pass on. What mistakes we most want to avoid. How we will show our kid our love etc.

I must admit when I first found out, I spent a week completely freaking out about how much weight I was gonna gain, and if I would ever wear a bikini again. I feel I was finally happy with my body and now it was all gonna change! But I am managing to pack my vanity away most of the time and focus on other things. I already feel like most of my clothes don't fit me anymore. I will be pleased when I actually LOOK pregnant and not just like I have a chubby stomach. I'm finding myself wearing a lot of dresses over jeans.

Considering we were certain we couldn't get pregnant without assistance, we have never used birth control and I had no reason to take note of my menstrual cycle etc. Which means that we are pretty clueless at figuring out exactly how pregnant we are. We have our first scan scheduled on the 24th of July so we will have a clearer idea then.

I am finding myself getting incredibly mushy about parent-child relations in movies and we have been collecting some music that has significance for our Smudge.

Here is a mini muxtape playlist with a few of them:
smudge's playlist
(shane has a good wee cry when he hears the track titled 'things').