How To Say Goodbye

He's gone. He choose to go. This time not just leaving wife and child, but leaving us all. I keep typing his name into google expecting to see something new from him, a tweet? a pin? anything please, I'll take it...just not this silence. Looking at old emails, I cannot believe that there will be no more, nor any chance to reply?!  How is this the very end.

Trawling through the old photos I have not dared to revisit during the last three years, I can't help but see the shocking similarities between father and son. I wish they could have met. We have all lost so much in this horrific reality.

My days are not hopeless, my daily life is oddly unchanged. But my heart is heavy and when I wake every morning and remember, I am so very sad. Though I know death is not final, it feels so sudden to know we are no longer on the planet together.

I have been writing, trying to somehow draw out straight lines from the tangled, complicated knot in my stomach. Whenever I find some sense I will post it here.

Broken Silence

I haven't posted here in a long time. So long that I haven't quite known how to break the silence. Where do I start?

Well, to take the pressure of, I'll just begin with this. 

Hi there, How's it going? 

This guy...

Zoe Boomer Fashion Shoot

I had the opportunity to do a bit of modelling last week, eek! The designer is Zoe Boomer and the photographer is Nica. Two very talented ladies. Check out Zoe's website for her her SS12 collection. It seems I have an aversion to looking straight at the camera, or maybe I'm just not posting the ones where I do? Hmm.

It was nice to get a break from the 'I'm a mum and I have my child's snot rubbed into my clothes' look. Even though it made it all the more difficult to return the mucus look :o)

Someone to care for, to be there for I have you two.

Upon my first ever viewing of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang this morning, I became entranced with this song. I think It might become our theme song, so sweet. I wanted to share it with you guys:

They seemed to be pretty entranced too:

(the "he's such a lovely lonely man" song made me gag though, a lot)

Goin' to the zoo...

We are VIP, card carrying, zoo addicts. A year pass comes in very handy when you only live 10 minutes away from a truly awesome zoo, it's an almost weekly activity. Here's a little peek at today's trip, Spring was in the air and we left our winter coats behind, yay!

(btw, i'm not a hunchback, I just have the ergo and a backpack on my back. Anything to avoid taking a pram/buggy/stroller. bah)

This little guy did tons of walking today (he insists on the backpack) and got the life scared out of him by a big ol' wild turkey.

Molly and Bon Iver

Molly's commentary on this video:

1. Where's his face?
2. Oh, he has a hat on, like a cat.
3. (When she realises its a sad song) where are his friends?
4. (When I was singing along) Mummy you don't have hairy cheeks like that man. You just have nice little cheeks.

All very good points.