Lebowskifest 2011

Some great friends were visiting from Canada. So it seemed like the perfect excuse for another little Lebowskifest. Twas a brilliant evening with brilliant people. There were White Russian's a plenty and we all snuggled together by a firepit, watched the movie projected onto a farmhouse and shouted 'It really ties the room together!' at any given moment. You can find a previous little Lebowskifest featured here.

A couple of White Russians and a Baby Jesus.

The Dudes

Autobahn

Woman with Bowling Ball.

Finding Myself [single]

I've never been entirely fond of the concept of 'finding yourself'. It always seemed like a luxury reserved for middle class, naval gazing, women. Think of the constant self centered meanderings seen in Eat. Pray. Love [vomit] (I can only speak for the movie, not the book) or the selfish pursuits of Meryl Streeps character in Kramer vs Kramer. Ugh blah blah blah, why don't you just go eff* yourselves (*eff = find. See? I wasn't being profane, I was being witty :o)

But here's the thing. I 'find myself' using this phrase quite a lot now. Not so much in the vague, naval gazing sense, but as a precursor to something else 'I find myself thinking about an imaginary career', 'I find myself sitting cross legged on the kitchen floor shouting 'I'm the BOSSSS'', 'I find myself hiding in the laundry room eating a chocolate bar as fast as I can so the kids wont see' and most commonly 'I find myself - single again'. The phrase seems to have set up home in my daily vocabulary, a symptom of being involuntarily thrust from one phase of life [back] to another. A shorthand to describe the feeling of waking from a long sleep, scratching my head and squinting my eyes to figure out where I am.

And within this 'helpless' state I 'find myself' (there I go again) learning to discard my previous disdain for self discovery and dabbling in a bit of it myself. There are many times I catch myself mid sentence and suddenly think 'oh wait, do I really think that, or did he/we?'. Not that I was in any way a subservent, meager, imitator in my marriage. But It's impossible to be in a partnership and avoid the inevitable merging of views. In turn perhaps we compromise something of our true, authentic voice?

I'm not chanting in a candle lit room, or going on any exotic pilgrimages (if only the latter). But I do 'find myself' having to mull things over more. It isn't so much a journey of self discovery as it is self expansion. I have claimed it, made it deliberate and decisive. And fun.

I'm sure all of you fantastic blog readers will have came across this video many times. It seemed to go viral about 6 months ago. But you will never tire of a good thing so have another wee watch.

Ps. Guess who turned one?!

He is a perfect little man full of giggles and big sloppy kisses. I cannot imagine my life without him.

28

It has been a crazy [1.5 years] few months here at Chez Steen. Filled with more febrile convulsions - 4 collectively (Finch decided to join that club too, I can hardly believe it), a minor car accident with big financial consequences, a dog bite, molly 's first ever nightmares and countless other things that seem minor on paper but when they all come one after the other leave me feeling spread way too thin. The sort of things that don't co-exist comfortably along with the social life a single girl needs in order to maintain sanity. You know the things, dinner with friends, going out dancing till your feet hurt and...well, dating. I am still very much a novice in the latter department but I am learning through trial and error!

I am trying to hold all the above things in balance and realise that I miss out on stopping long enough to reflect and collate my thoughts. I miss writing on this blog. I am really going to try to find more time for it.

P.S. a year ago today I wrote this post, so so glad I am living in happier times. Here comes 28!

Cool Girls Spin Vinyl

And in my endless pursuit of being a 'cool girl', I scored some charity shop records today. I dusted off the record player that was left here when I moved in, sat back and listened to the warm crackly songs. And smile.

I'm not a huge fan of designer labels. If my clothes ever do have big showy labels on them, I usually try and cut them off or conceal them. However, I was rather tickled today when I was admiring this cardi in a charity shop and discovered it was MaxMara, I looked over my shoulder suspiciously, crept my way over to the cash register and promptly purchased it before anyone else discovered it. I have dreams of teaming it with a grey pleated maxi skirt, a big chunky brown belt and a straw hat this summer.

The Runaways

Just watched The Runaways and am now desperately longing to own some leather trousers. Dakota Fanning and Kirsten Stewart made some very convincing rockers. Whilst It won't be making my top 50 movies of all time, it certainly is top ten in the somewhat niche category of 'Films about Self Destructive Young Females [who appreciate a Good Tune]'. Here are some of the titles that can be found in this unusual top ten [and the 'good tunes' that accompany them]:

+ Girl, Interrupted - Petula Clark/Downtown

+ Almost Famous - Elton John/Tiny dancer

+ La Vie en Rose - Edith Piaf/Non, je ne regrette rien

+ Virgin Suicides - Air/Moon Safari

.....The rest elude me....Suggestions please?

Here are some pretty colours from The Runaways.

blue

grey

pink

Homey

Here's a few pictures of what is being turned from a house to our home. I'm taking my time with finishing off rooms, there are still so many pictures and shelves that need hanging, but I want to ensure all the furniture is perfectly located before I start taking a drill to my walls.

'Winters come and gone...'

I am a bad little blogger. I must admit, I feel little inclination to 'put pen to paper' these days, inspiration is sparse. Perhaps I have bloggers block?

Happily, I believe contentment has toned down the torturous introspection that plagued me this last year. Spring has sprung, life feels new, all the horrible 'a year ago today...' milestones have been reached now it's just about building new memories and creating our own traditions.

The Steen garden is blooming with crocus' and daffodils. The evenings are bright and cheerful. The days are getting warmer and beg to be spent outdoors. It is happy life that I live.

"So long now I've been out in the rain and snow

But Winter's come and gone, little bird told me so."